This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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