if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
