I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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