Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
