On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
