fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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