The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
