My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
