Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
