After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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