can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize