Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
