therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
