He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
