I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
