You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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