she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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