I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I look better un-naked...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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