he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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