I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
