omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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