That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
