Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
