haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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