Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
