i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
