Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
