If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
