i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
