I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
