i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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