yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
