this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
