She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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