no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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