You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
