All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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