the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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