Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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