can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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