Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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