Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
