Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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