ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
