I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
