He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize