You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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