i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
