I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
