omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
