I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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