i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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