Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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