yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
