You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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