Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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