If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
