You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
