Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
