Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
