I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
