i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
