You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
