Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
