Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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