It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
