He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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