if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
