Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
