You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
