i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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