check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My liver just broke up with me...
I want to have your abortion
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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