You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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