I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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