You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
